Firsts...

There were several occasions where I wrote about some of our first encounters with Lauren but didn't have time to post them for everyone else to read. Here is a compilation of some of them...

Lifting Her For The First Time

I held her for the first time today (October 21, 2008 - 4 days old). Well, more like, stuck my arms in her isolette and lifted her. The nurse had to change her bedding and asked if I'd like to help. She explained how to hold her- support her head, neck and shoulders with one hand and her butt with the other hand. I was so scared and nervous to lift such a fragile little life. I struggled trying to scooch my fingers and hand under her head. As I lifted her up, she started arching her back which scared the crap out of me because she was so fragile, she looked like she could break in half at any moment. I lowered my hand that was holding her little bottom and that seemed to stop the arching and she just lay there in my hands. She was so light. I began to tear up - even as I write this - the emotions come welling up into my eyes. She was so tiny...so fragile...so delicate. After the nurse was finished changing out her bedding, she had me gently lay her down in her new nest. And then I finally exhaled. I think I was holding my breath the entire time ... either that or I just forgot to breathe.
*************************************************************

First Diaper Change

October 23, 2008 - Today I changed your diaper for the first time. And it was a poopie diaper. You didnt like it very much. And I was so nervous doing it. You're so delicate and fragile - I was afraid my big hands were going to be too much for your frail little body.

Upon finishing your diaper change, you gave me quite a scare as your stats dropped and you had stopped breathing. The nurse sat you up and began stimulating your chest and your head as if to wake you up to remind you to breathe. It worked as we both saw your tiny little chest move up and down and we both sighed relief.
*************************************************************

First Feeding

October 24, 2008
When I got to the NICU this afternoon, Lauren's doctor and nurse were excited to tell me that Lauren was going to get her first feeding today!~ I got to witness the whole thing....

I've been pumping every 2 to 3 hours with a hospital grade pump. The NICU provides you with these sterilized little bottles so that you can pump directly into the bottle and freeze them for when your baby is ready to start feeding. So, the nurse had already pulled out and defrosted one of the bottles from their freezer. The doctor ordered 2 ccs of milk every 6 hours. The nurse used a little syringe and sucked up some milk inside and then attached it to Lauren's tube and in went the milk down to her stomach via a feeding tube. I cried as this was such a significant milestone in her development. I thanked the nurse for giving her her first feeding as tears were rolling down my face.
*************************************************************

First Holds...

October 26, 2008 - I got to hold you in my arms for the first time. It wasn't skin to skin but I held you while you were in your little "nest". For the first time, I got to see your face up close and examine every little detail. You have faint little lashes on your eyes already. You're incredibly tiny. I estimated your head to be about the size of a tennis ball, but when I held you, I realized that your head was even smaller than that. You're amazingly adorable. Thank you to our nurse who was generous enough to give us our first snuggle together. Typically, parents aren't allowed to hold their babies until they reach around 1200 grams. But you were stable enough to be out of your isolette and in my arms. I'll never forget that day...
*************************************************************

October 29, 2008 - We got to do Kangaroo Care for the first time. It was skin-to-skin. Our nurse tonight asked if I'd like to hold you and of course I said yes. She set up a rocking chair next to your isolette and carefully gathered all the wires that you were connected to...and she took you out of your nest and gently placed you on my chest. She then placed a blanket on both of us and then brought another blanket which was warmed up to keep you extra warm. You laid there on my chest and it felt so...right. It was the closest thing I had felt to feeling pregnant with you in my womb. I recognized all the little fidgets and movements you were doing on my chest as I remembered you doing the same thing in my belly. I wished so hard for you to be back where you belong - in my womb.

I held you and rocked you and hummed to you. I was extremely anxious though and several times I tried to take deep breaths to calm my heartrate down in fear that the sound of my heartbeat was too loud for you as you laid your head against my chest. I kept watching your monitor - your heartrate, your breathing pattern, your oxygen saturation levels. The nurses had to increase your oxygen, then decrease. It was a bit difficult to get completely relaxed with all the alarms going off on other babies around us - I was afraid it was overstimulating your little ears.

Then, your daddy got to hold you. It wasn't skin to skin like mommy because daddy was wearing a thermal but he got to hold you in your blankets. He was so happy and couldn't keep his eyes off of you. He was in true awe.

You tiny little creature - you've touched us in ways we've never felt before. We love you, Lauren. Please continue to thrive and grow and become healthier with each passing day. We need you in our lives. Christian oppa can't wait to see you...he talks about you every day.