Thursday, July 13, 2006

Dear Christian...

Dear Christian,

You are sleeping right now on mommy and daddy's bed. You seem to love sleeping there - more than your crib. Something about the bed makes you feel more comfortable and relaxed. I'm a little concerned though, that you'll never like sleeping in your crib as much as you like sleeping in our bed. I hope I'm not encouraging a bad habit by letting you sleep there.

You exhausted mommy today. You only took 3 naps that were less than an hour each. Everytime, you would wake up crying and even though I held you and tried to comfort you, it didn't help. Finally, mommy got so fed up, she started screaming in your ear. You stopped crying. But as soon as mommy stopped screaming, you started crying again. This gave mommy the idea to turn on the vacuum. As soon as you heard the loud sound of the vacuum, you stopped crying again and you actually started "caa-ing and coo-ing". So mommy left the vacuum on and ran to the computer to find a "white noise" cd on She found one - "The Happiest Baby Super-Soothin Calming Sounds CD" and ordered it. Mommy really really hopes that this will help you sleep better. If you don't give mommy a break soon, she's gonna end up going bald before she's 30 because she's gonna end up pulling all of her hair out. Please be a good son and let mommy have just 1 hour a day to herself. Just ONE HOUR. PULEEZ! =)

Tonight, while mommy was trying to put you to sleep, mommy was caressing your chubby cheeks, trying to restyle your 40-year old man's perfectly coifed hair, and just admiring your overall cuteness - the house was quiet and the only sounds that were audible were the sounds of you breathing and the air conditioner humming. She stared at you, in awe. The fact that you were in mommy's womb 10 1/2 weeks ago - kicking, hiccupping, fidgeting - it amazes her. She was staring at your precious face and realizing that one day, you too would be an adult. You will also endure hardships, learn to know what it feels to love, and hurt, and wonder - to know what it feels to have a child of your own - the pure joy, the fear, the anxiety, the worries. Will you turn out to be okay? Or will mommy's demented disfunctional habits cause you to be as screwed up as she is? Will you blame her when things are bad or will you learn from mommy's mistakes and be gentle and kind and instead, love her for her crazy flaws? Tonight, she got a glimpse of you, being an old soul. Realizing, that holy shit, you too, one day, will be an old dude with these types of thoughts - all the while, mommy will probably either be really old and traveling the world with daddy or dead in her dusty, unvisited, forgotten grave. Either way, mommy wants you to know that she loves you and she thanks you for opening her eyes to a new life - a life where you come first and mommy comes last - but in a good way. Thank you for showing mommy that there are more important things to life than what she's been used to. I love you, my baby. Please forgive me for all the mistakes I've made in the past and the ones I'll likely make in the future. And know that mommy will try her best to rear you in the right direction and make your childhood a pleasant and happy one.