BFFs *~*~*~*

Christian had his first playdate on Tuesday. Wasn't much of a playdate though cuz while one was awake, the other would be sleeping. Introducing... Noah and Christian - the 2 cutest little baby boys who are going to be best friends for life and have many humiliating yet cute stories to tell thanks to their crazy moms - from photos of them dressed up as twins to even more incriminating photos of them taking bubble baths together. Ha! Can't wait!~

(Not the best picture but it'll have to do until the next playdate.) Noah is 5 weeks and Christian is 8 weeks old.

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Christian got his first series of immunization shots today. He did really well during the shots, didn't cry too much (I cried though. It was so painful to watch). But after a few hours of sleeping, he began wailing uncontrollably. We finally calmed him down and now, I'm just sitting here, at 1 am, waiting for him to wake up again and start wailing. It's the most heart wrenching sound for a mother to hear her baby shrieking like that from pain. And to think that he has to get the same shots again in another 8 weeks. I'm delirious - I'm afraid to fall asleep in case he needs me but I'm equally afraid of how I'm going to survive tomorrow. It's supposed to last 48 hours. Only 40 hours more to go. Aigo...

Just some random pics of our cutie patootie ~~




Christian and Daddy playing at The Grove~














Posing for mommie in his little Ralph Lauren outfit~~

















Drowsy from his immunization shots today~~

7 weeks old today

Some recent pics of my cutie pie~~

Breastfeeding is kicking my ass...

When I found out I was pregnant with Christian, I just naturally assumed I was going to breastfeed. So during my pregnancy, it didn't occur to me to do research on breastfeeding or join any classes. I thought it'd be pretty easy to do since it's the way God intended us to feed our babies. How hard could it be? Just get the kid to latch onto your boob, hold them there for awhile and when they're done, burp them and put them back in their crib, right? Wrong. I wish someone had warned me that it was going to be hard...really really hard. Who knows, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's not in my personality to sacrifice my body, mind, patience, time, emotions to feed my kid when I know there's cans and cans of formula sitting in my kitchen calling my name. I think some women are really good at this kind of motherly nurturing stuff and some women, like me, who aren't wired that way, suffer tremendously and have a difficult time with what seems like such a simple easy and natural thing to do.

First off, unlike most babies who nurse every 2 to 4 hours, Christian wants to nurse ALL the flippin time. Every hour, sometimes every half hour. So let's say I nurse him at 1:00 for 20 minutes. We finish at 1:20. Then he'll start crying at 2:00 for more. And I'll have to nurse him again for another 20 minutes when I had just finished nursing him 40 minutes ago. This pattern can go on all day and all night. Needless to say, he's gaining weight like a champ and he's getting rolls in places I never knew you could. I'm all for him having a healthy appetite but I can't sleep when I want, I can't eat when I want, I can't shit when I want, I can't even take a shower when I want.

The other day, I was in the shower and I heard Christian crying. I thought to myself, maybe I'll just try to finish my shower and he can wait it out. Then he started wailing. So I had to rinse off my deep conditioning hair treatment before the recommended leave-in time of 5 to 10 minutes to nurse him. But he would nurse for about 3 minutes and then when I would put him down, he'd start crying again so I'd have to nurse him some more and then tried to put him down but he'd start crying again. This went on for almost an hour and a half. He finally fell asleep and by the time I went back to finish my shower, my hair was practically dry.

And the pain...holy shit, the pain. Since I didn't do anything to prepare myself for breastfeeding, I started off on the wrong foot and never learned how to latch Christian on the proper way. He was suffering from "nipple confusion" because I gave him formula with a bottle the first few days when he was born because my milk wasn't coming in. I didn't know at the time that you shouldn't give a newborn a bottle when he's learning how to breastfeed because they can get confused on how to suck. So anyways, he's practically sucked off the pigment on the tips of my nipples. They're raw and everytime he sucks, it feels like someone is getting a needle and scratching my nipple over and over again. I was so desperate for help...I went to a La Leche League meeting. For some strange reason, we (Ben, Christian and I) were the only ones who attended that night so I ended up getting a nice one on one with the League Leaders. They encouraged me, gave me some tips and just showed support. It brought tears to my eyes and they made me feel like I wasn't alone. I also met with a Lactation Consultant and did a private one on one. She showed me how to correctly latch him on, what to do to ease my sore nipples and also gave me alot of encouragement. So now, I'm trying to teach him to latch on correctly but he's already so used to his ways, he fights with me and he starts crying and sometimes I cry with him.

Then 2 nights ago, I experienced my first plugged milk duct on my left boob. It was horrible. A portion of the boob was rock hard and painful. They say to feed as often as you can with the boob that's plugged to help unplug it. But my left nipple was sooooo raw, I couldn't bear the pain when Christian would start sucking. But then the pain of the plugged duct hurt just as bad. I was so miserable. Starting from 11:30 at night I was trying to feed Christian. I'd nurse him for as long as I could stand it, which was only about 2 minutes and then put him down but since he was hardly getting any milk, he'd want to nurse again...and again...and again. We continued this little game until about 2:30 in the morning. Finally, after hours of sucking on and off, heat compresses and massaging the hardened mass, and lots of praying, the duct unplugged. As I heard Christian gulping away, I felt my boob soften, and I started to cry and thanked God because I was so relieved. We were able to sleep for 2 hours until Christian started crying again at 4:30 am for more food.

But even with all this pain and suffering, I'm determined to continue breastfeeding. Everyday, I struggle and contemplate whether or not I should just put him on formula instead. It would definitely ease my boob pains...but what's a little, er, I mean, a shitload of unbearable pain and suffering when I know my kid will reap the lifelong benefits of breastmilk.

Last night, I was feeding Christian and we were fortunate enough to capture this moment...

Yep, that's Christian - giving me the finger.

Baby Gear

To be a parent in this day and age is a blessing. There are so many neat baby products being offered nowadays - and discovering them is half the fun!~ I ordered these last week after I got peed on multiple times trying to change Christian's diapers.

Pee-Pee TeePees For The Sprinkling Wee-Wee










They're made of 100% cotton so they're washable and reusable. You just place one of these cute little teepees on the wee-wee and you're good to go. It saved me from getting sprinkled on the other day and they come in a bunch of cute little patterns. I ordered an airplane pattern and a fire engine pattern. They even have ones that look like little red santa hats. Too cute.


I'm still undecided on what diaper bag I want to get - but when I saw this bag, I knew I had to get it for Ben.
The Jack Spade Dad Field Bag - comes complete with a matching diaper changing pad, pockets for baby bottles and even a little zipper section to hold an ipod and a little hole for the ipod earphones to come through so Ben can listen to music while he's toting little Christian around. ^_^ We just received it yesterday and I've filled it with all the essentials - extra change of baby clothes, diapers, wipes, burp cloths, receiving blanket, etc.


And I ordered 2 sets of these so Ben and I can each carry a set. Diaper Bag Organizer Pouches - comes in 4 pouches - Clean, Dirty, Goodies to eat and miscellaneous Extras - made of cotton and a mesh back for ventilation and easy visibility.




The stroller we want isn't going to be available until sometime in July. I've been harrassing the company to please let me have first dibs on the stroller and asked if they could just send one to me in advance - but no such luck. =(

Introducing the Orbit Baby Infant System - it's a car seat and a stroller in one. We were gonna get the Bugaboo Cameleon in the Orange and Tan but I saw too many ppl with it. Boo to Bugaboo and Yay to Orbit!~

Thank You Christian

Yipee!~ Christian's umbilical cord fell off today. Now he can get a real bath.

My mother-in-law has been coming over the past couple of days to make food for me and watch Christian so I can rest and it has helped me so much. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I've been getting the "baby blues"- especially at night when I'm home alone with the baby and it's quiet and dark. Having her around has made me feel so much stronger. Tonight, Ben's whole family came over to eat with me. I hadn't taken a shower in 2 days so when they all came, knowing that Christian wound be tended to if he started crying, I went and took a long, hot shower to unwind. It's funny how you get some of your deepest thoughts in the bathroom -when you're on the toilet or brushing your teeth or taking a shower. I just started to cry...but they weren't tears of sadness but relief and gratitude. I'm so thankful to God for all the wonderful blessings in my life. Sometimes, I'm too busy looking at things I don't have rather than the things that I do. In that moment, while I was in the shower, I was able to see my blessings - my health, my wonderful, loving, hard-working and supportive husband, my healthy, precious bundle of joy, my adorable doggie, our wonderful home, the sweetest in-laws a girl can have (even though i complain sometimes- i really shouldn't), my hard-working supportive parents, my siblings, my awesome, caring & loving friends, and even our struggling restaurant.

Having gone through a somewhat humble childhood, I grew up wanting the "finer things in life" - designer shoes, clothes and purses galore, vacation homes in every part of the world, nannies to raise my kids while we travelled and shopped, and fine dining every night - heck, even a personal world renowned chef to cook for us on a whim if we so desired. (yeah, i've been watching way too much "Fabulous Life Of" on E!) But God is beginning to reveal that there is much more to life than what I thought would make me happy. Seeing Christian giggle or let our a big burp has turned to be such a joy for me - or even being able to sleep more than 1 hour at a time. I'd trade all of my designer duds to be able to sleep for 10 hours straight through without any guilt. It's funny how a baby turns your whole world upside down. I used to carry a large makeup bag full of different shades of lipglosses in my LV tote. Now, I've got a large ziploc bag in there with diapers, wipes, receiving blanket and change of baby clothes. In the pocket where I used to put my cell phone, I carry diaper coupons. And I'm finding out that it's all worth it.

I love you Christian. Thank you for changing my life.

Goodbye Xanga, Hello Blogger

I've finally decided to migrate over to a new blog. Xanga was a little too "social" and I wanted a place where I can just dump my thoughts and not be in a circle of xangans writing about their drunken weekend of partying. I guess b/c that part of my life is over now. So... Goodbye Xanga and Hello Blogger!~
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It's been 10 days since I've given birth to my adorable baby boy. Labor was the most physically intense and challenging feat I have ever experienced. 19+ hours of excruciating pain - even with the 7 epidural shots, the pain killer injected in my IV that made me hallucinate, and the narcotics / spinal block that was shot in 4 or 5 different areas up and down my spine. Nothing seemed to stop the pain. It was absolutely horrible. Finally, after 3 hours of pushing my brains out, they said the baby's heart beat was rising too fast and that they had to do a vacuum extraction. Geesh, I wish they just did the extraction to begin with - and out came our baby.

Before I went into labor, I had secret fears that I might be grossed out when I saw my baby come out of me - all bloody and yucky and that I might not "bond" with him. Well, I was right. Not b/c he was all bloody and yucky...but b/c I was soooooo tired. I don't think I even held him. Ben held him, told me how proud he was of me, kissed me on my forehead and even cried a little. It was beautiful to see Ben look so proudly at his new son. I, on the other hand was too tired to do anything and asked Ben to ask that they bring the baby to me when they were finished cleaning him up and that I wanted him only for feedings because I wanted to get some sleep. He was born at 9:56 pm and they brought him to me at 3am for feeding. This was the first time I got to look at him up close and as he latched on to my breast and I looked down at his face, I gasped in awe...and I fell in love. I looked at his face, his feet, his hair, his ears and I began seeing parts of me and Ben in him and it was amazing. Wow, this little thing came out of me? Ben and I created this thing? I thanked God. Even though I was dead tired, in excruciating pain and even needed assistance to go to the bathroom, I changed my mind about taking him only for feedings so I told the nurse I had decided he was going to room in with me. Here are some pictures of our baby boy, Christian.



He's such a cutie pie!~ ^_^